The loving thing to do
I remember a late night in the first part of February this year. I went upstairs to talk to Ilya and get some thoughts from his outside perspective on some issues with my guys. I was beat up; I was in the middle of a pity party for myself, feeling like I had been kicked when I was down then walked rough shod over. I was preparing to speak at a snow camp to a bunch of high school kids that next weekend and was looking for some sort of “lift” before I took off.
I found Ilya in his room talking to Melissa so I walked out. He yelled after me, “hold on Caleb. Give me 5 min.” His roommate was doing homework so we went into the bathroom and sat on the sink. After a little small talk about how things were with the lady, we got around to why I came up. Like I thought he might do, he stated to list all the things that I do well. I let him go for about 30 seconds. Then I said: “Shut up Ilya! No, I don’t need to hear what I’m doing so good at! Give it to me strait. I need to know how I suck.” Ilya didn’t skip a beat. He said, “Ok Caleb. You need to show people that you love them.” And that’s all he said. I can be kinda dense sometimes so I asked him to explain. “Caleb, I know you love your guys. Mic, Matty, Tim, B...they all know you love them, but do your guys know how much you love them?” I was floored. I hadn’t really thought about it like that before. We talked some more about that and how I could change it, and I left (like 45 min later).
I left that conversation with my friend with a completely different perspective. He confronted me with truth that I couldn’t deny. The very thing that I prized most about this inner circle of warriors whom I served with, was the very thing that I was depriving my own battalion of. How could I be so arrogant, so inconsiderate, so blind, so selfish? That night was a turning point in the way I deal with people. I won’t attempt to say that now I always live sacrificially, or that I always do what is right for each one of my guys, but I can say with confidence that I’m on the road and in the battle. Never again will I be able to charge into battle without considering the soldiers who are following. Ilya showed me a part of brotherly love that night that I will never forget. Sometimes people need hit right where it hurts...even when they are already hurt. Sometimes the loving thing to do is not “stroke their ego”, but instead to kick them right in the face and tell them to suck it up.
I found Ilya in his room talking to Melissa so I walked out. He yelled after me, “hold on Caleb. Give me 5 min.” His roommate was doing homework so we went into the bathroom and sat on the sink. After a little small talk about how things were with the lady, we got around to why I came up. Like I thought he might do, he stated to list all the things that I do well. I let him go for about 30 seconds. Then I said: “Shut up Ilya! No, I don’t need to hear what I’m doing so good at! Give it to me strait. I need to know how I suck.” Ilya didn’t skip a beat. He said, “Ok Caleb. You need to show people that you love them.” And that’s all he said. I can be kinda dense sometimes so I asked him to explain. “Caleb, I know you love your guys. Mic, Matty, Tim, B...they all know you love them, but do your guys know how much you love them?” I was floored. I hadn’t really thought about it like that before. We talked some more about that and how I could change it, and I left (like 45 min later).
I left that conversation with my friend with a completely different perspective. He confronted me with truth that I couldn’t deny. The very thing that I prized most about this inner circle of warriors whom I served with, was the very thing that I was depriving my own battalion of. How could I be so arrogant, so inconsiderate, so blind, so selfish? That night was a turning point in the way I deal with people. I won’t attempt to say that now I always live sacrificially, or that I always do what is right for each one of my guys, but I can say with confidence that I’m on the road and in the battle. Never again will I be able to charge into battle without considering the soldiers who are following. Ilya showed me a part of brotherly love that night that I will never forget. Sometimes people need hit right where it hurts...even when they are already hurt. Sometimes the loving thing to do is not “stroke their ego”, but instead to kick them right in the face and tell them to suck it up.
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