Totally Exposed but Accepted
I just got done talking with B. We had one of those talks. What I mean by that is we talked about stuff weighing heavy on our hearts, and things that bring tears to our eyes. Those kind of talks are easy to have with B, because B has such a big heart, and he's very transparent. So we talked about how deeply people fear and struggle in the church--in our church--and sadly how almost hopeless the future of the church seems the way it appears today. We have become masqueraders. Church isn't a safe place, but it should be. He told me of one who came to him and asked him if he could really ever be a pastor in a church and tell his flock about his past struggles. Could he tell them he struggled with homosexuality in his past and keep his job? He lamented that many churches can tolerate certain sins while other sins are not acceptable. Homosexuality, rape, pornography--these are just unacceptable and if they are true of you, God can't use you. (more tears)
Well, I personally know of one guy who wants to tell other guys that he struggles with homosexual thoughts--but he's afraid of what they might think him, and of how they might label him. And honestly, I'm afraid for him. I'll never forget his tears, nor his sobs, nor the surprise on his face when I grabbed him and hugged him after he confessed this to B and me. For the first time ever, I understood the meaning of grace...and that very few of us really live under grace, myself included. B taught us all this. Not to praise B or any of us for that matter, but to lament that we are this way.
I say this because none of us warriors are without scars. Not one of us is not wounded. Are we any different that we can't admit that we struggle, to one another, to others? That we know what it's like to struggle with pornography and feel all alone, lost and without hope? Well, I for one am not, because I do know what it's like. And I'm no longer ashamed of that. Neither are my fellow-warriors. Over the course of not just this year, but the past few years our team has somewhat shared together, we have each learned about grace, and what it feels like. Caleb, Mic, and I learned in our little study we had with B that grace means "being totally exposed but accepted." But that didn't stop there. B lived that in front of us. He confessed to us, struggling, hopeless college kids, that he was no different than us in that he struggled, but he clung to the fact that he was loved by God and accepted in Christ. Those meetings we had would later become our RA meetings. It's in these meetings that we willingly become exposed, because to hide is to self-destruct. We've all been burned by our personal ignorance and willful disobedience to God, indulging in sin, rebellion, and the works. We've all had our weeks of failure and helplessness. But part of having each other's backs means we encourage one other to confess, to fight, to resist sin and temptation, and to run to God for love. We remind each other that we have already been forgiven. We remind each other that we are set free, and that we don't have to say yes to sin. Honestly, I for one have been changed because of the grace of God exemplified in B, Mic, Matty, Ilya, and Caleb. Why do I have the strength and the guts to tell one of my guy struggling with pornography, homosexuality, or even an sinful relationship with a girl, that there's hope, and that God's grace is greater than all their sin? Because my teammates have taught me this in ways niether they nor I--none of us--could ever sufficiently articulate. Because God's grace is greater than all our sin and shame. Because there's no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Because sin isn't who we really are. I'll never forget when Mic and I had that conversation. We were both set free that night. It's why I long for others to experience that same freedom Jesus died to make possible. I know what it's like to feel trapped in a world of guilt and self-contempt. But I also know what it's like to be loved by God. And I'm so glad that I also know what it's like to find a note on my desk to read that one young man can boldly proclaim, "Living today in Him and not in my shame."
So, on the one hand it's true, and very sad, that guys and girls on our Baptist Bible College campus struggle blatantly with pornography, homosexuality, and worse. What's worse is we don't talk about it to each other. What's even worse than that is, we can't. But, on the other hand, we can try. The six of us have learned what is to be men of integrity and G R A C E. Grace, that stuff that came at such a price, enabling guys like even us "to be, and not just appear." We're not warriors because we think highly of ourselves. We're warriors and men, because we know the One who does think highly of us (and you)--and who forgave us of all our sin. So, B's challenge is appropriate. Tell the world what you learned here. I'm trying. We're trying. Please listen.
Well, I personally know of one guy who wants to tell other guys that he struggles with homosexual thoughts--but he's afraid of what they might think him, and of how they might label him. And honestly, I'm afraid for him. I'll never forget his tears, nor his sobs, nor the surprise on his face when I grabbed him and hugged him after he confessed this to B and me. For the first time ever, I understood the meaning of grace...and that very few of us really live under grace, myself included. B taught us all this. Not to praise B or any of us for that matter, but to lament that we are this way.
I say this because none of us warriors are without scars. Not one of us is not wounded. Are we any different that we can't admit that we struggle, to one another, to others? That we know what it's like to struggle with pornography and feel all alone, lost and without hope? Well, I for one am not, because I do know what it's like. And I'm no longer ashamed of that. Neither are my fellow-warriors. Over the course of not just this year, but the past few years our team has somewhat shared together, we have each learned about grace, and what it feels like. Caleb, Mic, and I learned in our little study we had with B that grace means "being totally exposed but accepted." But that didn't stop there. B lived that in front of us. He confessed to us, struggling, hopeless college kids, that he was no different than us in that he struggled, but he clung to the fact that he was loved by God and accepted in Christ. Those meetings we had would later become our RA meetings. It's in these meetings that we willingly become exposed, because to hide is to self-destruct. We've all been burned by our personal ignorance and willful disobedience to God, indulging in sin, rebellion, and the works. We've all had our weeks of failure and helplessness. But part of having each other's backs means we encourage one other to confess, to fight, to resist sin and temptation, and to run to God for love. We remind each other that we have already been forgiven. We remind each other that we are set free, and that we don't have to say yes to sin. Honestly, I for one have been changed because of the grace of God exemplified in B, Mic, Matty, Ilya, and Caleb. Why do I have the strength and the guts to tell one of my guy struggling with pornography, homosexuality, or even an sinful relationship with a girl, that there's hope, and that God's grace is greater than all their sin? Because my teammates have taught me this in ways niether they nor I--none of us--could ever sufficiently articulate. Because God's grace is greater than all our sin and shame. Because there's no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Because sin isn't who we really are. I'll never forget when Mic and I had that conversation. We were both set free that night. It's why I long for others to experience that same freedom Jesus died to make possible. I know what it's like to feel trapped in a world of guilt and self-contempt. But I also know what it's like to be loved by God. And I'm so glad that I also know what it's like to find a note on my desk to read that one young man can boldly proclaim, "Living today in Him and not in my shame."
So, on the one hand it's true, and very sad, that guys and girls on our Baptist Bible College campus struggle blatantly with pornography, homosexuality, and worse. What's worse is we don't talk about it to each other. What's even worse than that is, we can't. But, on the other hand, we can try. The six of us have learned what is to be men of integrity and G R A C E. Grace, that stuff that came at such a price, enabling guys like even us "to be, and not just appear." We're not warriors because we think highly of ourselves. We're warriors and men, because we know the One who does think highly of us (and you)--and who forgave us of all our sin. So, B's challenge is appropriate. Tell the world what you learned here. I'm trying. We're trying. Please listen.
posted by Anonymous at 5:10 PM
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