undulation

One week can have so many faces. As CS Lewis wrote “undulation, U-N-D-U-L-A-T-I-O-N: a series of ups and downs ups and downs,” this is what this job, life, ministry,...really whatever you want to call it is made up of. One day life is great, people are interacting on new levels, God seems to be moving unhindered in my own life, and my personal plans are developing without a hitch. Then, without warning, the bottom falls out on everything. Before I was in this position all I had to worry about was myself. One thing happened to me and most of the time other people didn’t affect it. No more. Now the actions and reactions of others can have a dramatic impact on me. Why God? Why can’t I just let them carry their own cross? What is this deal about “bearing one another’s burdens?” Can’t I just have a part in their growth and not have to kick them in the butt?
Monday night I have a long needed talk with a guy about what’s not going on in his life that needs to be. He seems to be receptive to what I’m telling him. The next day I have one of the best conversations I’ve had all year with one of my guys who is just now starting to open up his life to me. He has been the focus of so much prayer and energy. Wednesday night comes along and a group I am in finishes a semester long project that went incredible; I could not ask for a better result. Then, when I get back from that, I get the first kick in the butt. The girl pulls the “I don’t want to date anybody right now” card. One hour later I drive back to my dorm totally confused, frustrated, annoyed, angry, and discouraged. Only an hour ago things couldn’t get better now this. The next morning my day starts a new set of problems. By that night one of my guys is so angry at me that all he wants to do is yell like a five year old at me and beat me to a pulp. There goes any ministry in his life the rest of the year. Friday life levels out some, the only down time was spent with the girl in an awkward 2 ½ hours. Though all this I was just chill’in. What are you trying to show me God? Is this what ministry is about? I drew encouragement from my friends, spending time talking to Mic, Tim, Ilya, Matty, and B. B was the first to offer advice. Ok, so basically what he did was listen. (I’m sure that this Monday I’m going to be at least the partial focus of our meeting.) Even though I knew that they loved me, I was still down. Wanting to stay down and just rest. I knew that this idea was ludicrous but honestly, I was just tired of the fight. Why not just coast for the remaining 2 weeks of the semester? What could be the harm in that?
Then on Saturday night God decided that I needed a lift. I was in my room getting ready to do some home work, when a guy walked in and said “do you have time?” Well, I said “sure I do” of course. What issued was a 3 hour one sided conversation. Although I already knew the information that he was telling me, it was very hard for him to confide it in another person. God was saying “Caleb, this is what its about. You are here for a reason, people need people who care. Take what I give you and be content. My grace is sufficient for you.” I didn’t get that paper written that night, but my spirit was refreshed. That’s the point.
No matter how close the community, no matter how tight the friendships, no matter how strong the relationship God is the one who makes things happen. On this blog we write a lot about Boykin or each other and how much we build one another up, but in all reality it is nothing more than God. This time my boys were there for me. They wanted to help, but God chose to use the words of ignorant freshman who didn’t have a clue where I was to show me that I am a chosen vessel of God’s grace. Undulation, this is what this job, life, ministry is made up of. I praise the Lord for those ups and downs.